Okay, so my husband had a cold for a week and I was so proud that it didn’t attack me until on Sunday I began to feel a bit congested. Pouring down lots of orange juice I still kept it pretty much at bay except for a slight cough until Wednesday when I WENT DOWN. I felt horrible, coughed, had a huge headache and sinus pressure. Okay, time for some major defensive measures so I mixed up a great smoothie my son recommended with orange juice, goji berries, bee pollen, flax seed, maco powder, cacao nibs and hemp seeds (not to worry, it’s legal). Immediately after downing that “delicious” concoction I felt better – for about 10 minutes until I had to take a nap on the sofa. I managed to sit up and watch American Idol and turned in early – those kids are really talented this year on American Idol!
Today I woke up feeling (and looking) like I had just washed up on shore after a hurricane. I decided to take a trip to the doctor which luckily I got an appointment with. I had first thought about grabbing the tamiflu pills I have had on hand for over two years in the event that there had been an outbreak and a shortage of pills. I realize this may seem like something a hypochondriac would do but really, why not be prepared for everything. Actually now that brings to mind the fact that my dear friend gave me a book for Christmas entitled “ A Book For Hypochondriacs” – now do you think she meant something by that? No, surely not but anyway I called my medical encyclopedia daughter who is a pharmaceutical rep and she said “Try the doctor first Mom” . So, I did.
Well, I go to the doctor and first thing they always want to do is weigh you – now why is that? I convinced them that my shoes and socks were REALLY heavy and truly I still weighed the same I did before Christmas and the foot surgery where I laid around eating all day. They fell for it and wrote that down on my chart. Next they ALWAYS ask what medications you are on. Why do they ask you this when they have a record of it anyway. I named off around five and she kept saying “What about this” and “What about that” to which I had to respond that yes, indeed I was still partaking of that one too.
Next the doc comes in and he looks and sounds like he has what I had only worse. This makes him have little sympathy for me which is definitely something a sick person needs. After he announces that it is probably the same miserable virus everyone else has had and there is nothing you can do for it I start bringing out all my ancient Chinese herb medications so that hopefully I can at least help him get over his case of this misery. He politely declines but I figure he will run right out and buy them after I leave. He says just rest and drink lots of fluids and take Advil.
After getting in the car a jingle I learned as a child kept going through my mind “Starve a fever and feed a cold”. Or is it “Starve a cold and feed a fever”? I can never remember but decided to go with the first since I had no fever and definitely cold-like symptoms. And since I had only had orange juice and a crème puff pastry for breakfast I decided to drive through Culvers for a Butter Burger with Cheese and Fries.
Feeling much better after knowing I didn’t have the H1N1 flu and after my great snack at Culvers I ventured home. I kept that great feeling for an hour or so while I made some business calls and enjoyed having everyone say “Oh dear, you sound terrible”. I love sympathy when I am sick. Soon I went down again and repeating the jingle decided to have some leftover Chinese food to boost my energy along with a nice glass of orange juice (Vitamin C I know is good for colds) I got an email from my daughter’s friend recommending ginger ale and saltines for this virus and decided to hold off on that while I downed a few Triscuits with cheese slices instead. More calls, a little rest, and then had to polish off what was left of the crème pastries with a swig of milk. Took an Advil while I had a little food in my stomach.
Made it until around 5 when I had to eat something to help with the acid indigestion I had so thought a nice piece of toast with butter and jam would help – and of course a Rolaid or two. My daughter called to check on me around 5:30 and I proudly told her of my cure for this rampant virus going around – EAT ALL YOU CAN IN A SHORT SPAN OF TIME!! Being a good daughter she said that yes, Mother, you have surely surpassed any previous attempts at a cure for an untreatable virus and that perhaps it would win a place in a medical journal. So, I am proudly sharing this amazing discovery with all of you so that you won’t have to suffer through another incurable sickness without knowing “Beth’s Magic Cure”.
Got to go now and enjoy a lovely dinner my husband has prepared featuring my favorite lamb chops, rice and fresh salad. I am sure I will be completely well in the morning and ready to get back to real estate for any of you who are clients reading this and may need me!
